Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
