I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
