I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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