i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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