I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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