A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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