If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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