Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
