why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
