Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
