If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
