dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why didn't you poke me back
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
