..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
