Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
there is glitter all over my balls
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
