For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
