Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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