I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
