I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
