??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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