And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
