Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
