so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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