Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
