is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
