I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
