Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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