Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
