first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
