Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
