the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
