Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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