I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
