Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
