I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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