its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
