dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
