my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
