Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
