dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
