I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
