i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
