I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
