She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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