I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
