I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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