He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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