There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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