woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
