saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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