hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
