you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Boobs are out for the taking
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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